50 shades of black.
Just focus on the goal, straighten the arrows, tighten the ends, and make sure that they’re all pointing to one thing, and one thing only. Don’t get distracted. Drain out all of the noise from your life and focus on what you’re trying to tell the world. You’re on a mission, fighting a battle, filtering out all the useless shit and making all the mistakes so that you can tell the rights from the wrongs. Remember that you’re the author of this story, you’re the one writing the beginning and deciding how it ends. You’re onto something extraordinary and you don’t even know it yet. Just never forget to be yourself throughout every move, focus on you and what you truly are and not what you wish you were. Keep that heart by your side, keep it upside down, and keep it black.
Chapter Six: Feeling In The Gaps.
It’s confusing sometimes, he said as he poured himself half a drink. I’ve been caught in this weird limbo where everything is coming together at zero to sixty while I climb this cliff and yet still feel a huge gap to fill. I’m starting to feel distorted in a battle against all this noise. I mean, truly, I know what I need. I’ve always known, it’s just difficult to conceptualize. You know what I always wonder? Is it passion that fuels the pain or pain that fuels the passion? No really, think about it. Do our screams come from what we feel or do we scream because we’re feeling? I’ve just been sitting here, feeling everything in the world through my eyes and my biggest fear is to figure out the solution. The one question I know the response to yet never want to have answered. What if I take this leap and realize that the only thing that kept me going this whole time was the fear of happiness? The fear of the unknown. The idea of having something left untouched that could have the power to tear me to pieces, or even worse, make me feel victorious in a war against myself. In another life, I once heard that “the important part isn’t what you do, it’s how it makes you feel”. Fucking brilliant, I know. I said it. The irony is that I’ll take hypocrisy any day over actually listening to my own advice. It’s funny how that is. I mean, that’s what my art is all about. Teaching myself things that I don’t want to understand on my own. Seeing what my feelings look like. And trying to prove myself wrong every time. I’m living out of a glass half full, looking for the other half. But what if that emptiness is what keeps me afloat? What if fighting for air is the only thing that keeps me breathing? What if that’s the only muse in my creation? Emptiness only exists when you set a limit, she said. Without that, you’re just feeling in the gaps that you choose to fill.